There's this thing...

A lot can change in the course of a year, but things also change in a moment. How clear things use to be, compared to what they truly are is a hurt breaking truth. You grow so fond of this imaginary life you dreamt and then in an instant, you're back to reality. The reality of who you are. Those negative things you've denied. Then you start to question everything. Why this? Why me? Why am I complaining? Then you're alone. And then...I'm not sure. 

I created this to reflect on things in my past, but have yet to re-read my previous blogs. Instead, I'm writing again because I'm sad. What kind of therapy did I expect from writing something and not even trying to read it? What reflection was I expecting exactly. As if I would transform my life and become someone else by reading the past me. In honesty, I needed this. I needed to feel this helplessness because that at the end of the day will make me remember where I don't want to be. Maybe not so much the hunger pains, but this helplessness. Sometimes crying helps, but I'm tired of tears. I need to stop telling myself it could be worse. It could! That's true, but that doesn't mean I should just deal with these circumstances. I need to know it could be better!