3/24/12

Busy Busyyyy

My birthday is almost among us!!!

I have started working in NY in a very entry level position, but it is with a company that could start me off into the right field. I took this job because it would be the first time I worked in the city. The experience is exhausting, but I am so anxious to try new foods...see new places....have fun after work and all that. Since I still live in Jersey, its a little harder to always hang out, but its all about the networking baby. The joy of not knowing who you might bump into, who you might meet or what job you might land. Its entry level and it is also allowing me to humble myself by doing something like this, but God put in place this opportunity for a reason and it is up to me to follow through (for whatever it is). So my birthday is April 9th and its on a Monday. Minor setback, but I have the weekend to do something amazing. I usually have to come up with my own amazement which sucks sometimes, but I have learned to never rely on people when it comes to your happiness. Such as the conversation I had with my mother. My good friends birthday is on the 15th and we sometimes try to double it up. Since her birthday is later, its usually during her birthday we do something. She also has a boyfriend, so that means that she has another force to plan her birthday with. This year he asked (of course) me what he should do for her birthday. I want to make her day special so of course pulling out the works is important. However, one of my other friends who has a sister whose birthday is April 12, wants me to come celebrate in Miami. I have just had a confrontation with selfish and not selfish. Do I ditch a friends birthday to have fun in Miami for mine?? So I asked for the advice from my mother. Instead of getting advice, I got off the phone in tears. She told me I need to get my priorities in check and I need to get a bed....(for my birthday????) She said of going out with your friends you should use the money to buy a bed for your apartment. I do understand why a bed is important, but her comment of going out all the time was a shocker. When I asked her advice on online dating she told me not to (she met a few boyfriends off of online dating), when I asked her about going out in the city she told me I should go to bed (my mom partied at the Ritz every Sunday of her twenties), when I asked her about anything it seems she wants me to do the opposite. Her advice is because she doesn't want me to do the same things she did. Since I have no children, and our paths were totally different I don't get why she is so negative about life living. Her hurdles have been some of mine at a point, but now I have tried to confront my own issues. Not that her advice isn't wanted its to the point I'm tired of caring. It hurts that I have to push some of it to the back of my head, but my happiness should not always be the cost because SHE did it before....I don't live through anyones life. EVERYTHING I want I know I have to work hard for it. So I don't necessarily need someone to always think that their advice is needed. She is my mom so she is the top of my world....but I'll be 27! So Here goes..... 

3/7/12

Reeling 'em in

It's like 14 o'clock! I know I've probably said this already, but I started online dating. Well, fishing has been good! The void in my life not having someone to talk to and introduce myself with has been filled....so you're telling me I have to go on dates now?!?! NOOOOO WAYYYY!!! I mean this dating site is a great boost of confidence. I have been called beautiful, pretty, sexy, chunky and my boobs have been lusted over. However, I am afraid I don't know if I want to put forth the effort to actually date these admirers. One however, is from London (oh sweet baby Jesus how I lust and yearn to be living in England). The fact this bit of information has pushed me into more interesting conversation, he wants to meet when he is in NY this weekend. First of all, even if I wanted to actually go on a date...I've seen CSI and dateline...I'm not meeting a guy I've only spoke to twice anywhere. But, I have actually thought about allowing him to continue to talk to me.Yes, I said allow! I would typically write an email....he might respond and I won't write back. I don't know what it is. He is not my type neither. Maybe its the fact that he is very established and lives in London, or the fact that I know he might always feel more for me than I would for him. That's weird to type let alone say. I don't know what it is. I feel he is fragile so I don't want to hurt his feelings, but he actually is very articulate and damnit he's British! Who knows. I sent him an email shooting down his frisk...risk....whatever in the city this weekend. I told him I would keep him in mind the next time he comes to the city. It will only be dependent on future conversations. Either way, I need to answer the question of if I want to date...circle yes or no!! 

3/6/12

Embarkments

Having a crush is an instant rush that you can't control. Admitting your feelings to the crush changes the realm your feelings currently reside in. I have admitted those feelings to someone. Bracing yourself for rejection is just a part I always get ready for. That moment he responds however, is a great time! I live life in impulse....thank God!

3/5/12

Mondaydaydaydayyyy

Oh I am eating my fruit ya'll! I have to chase my fruit with new nail polish though. Gray by Gray...perfect for my Monday! 

However, this Monday is not gray! I did all the things I needed to do (drug tested and library shit)! I am on the fast track for my paper and it will be completed soon. I got the best email from NJSAR and I am slowly working my way towards becoming a member. The healthy heart diet is working. I have been tempted to eat straight oil but I have held off...I am also feeding my emotional heart ~_~. So I kinda joined a dating site over the weekend. Boy, my inbox is blowing up with guys looking for a good woman. I guess this is the easiest way to meet someone without the hurtful rejection. Speaking of rejection....funny sad story....I messaged a guy I have been crushing on in college via facebook. It is a move I don't typically do now of days, but my damn aggression has taken over me. So, because this guy is just facebook friend if it doesn't work at least I can delete him. Well...I am currently waiting for his response. He hasn't even changed his status since I wrote him so I don't know whats going on. It is really good that I had a boost of confidence with the online dating site...so all is well that ends well! LOL!

3/3/12

Riesling

My move to not drink when I'm home by myself has officially ended starting today. 3/4 done a bottle of Riesling, I've decided that I need to rearrange some things I said in my life....one of them being that I can not do things if I don't commit myself to not doing them (what???!!?!!???). My phone only rings with notifications for Scrambler with Friends and nothing more. I have been thinking about dating, but I am a predator. I want to go after the men I want. Recently, I have been crushing on a particular boy from college....I would have already contacted him, but I am trying to tame my urges....I just had a thought, you only live once so ignore the previous comment....Either way I am working on a "do now" me...