Yesterday I went to visit my cousin in NY with my aunts. Had a good time and I'm happy I went. I ended up having a conversation with my cousin about life...and it had me thinking. Change isnt something that comes naturally or easy. As in life, change is a process. In order for one to change, one needs to fully commit to the process (sorry for rambling). So thus, my process must start! I don't have an eternity to make things happen the way I want them to in this life. I was dealt this hand, and by God, I will play it.
The word Selfish has been thrown around all my life. I started to believe that was who I was. But I'm not...I've done too many selfless actions to be that. I can't rattle these off the top of by head because I dont keep count. I just do them. I will not be the one person with, and see those I love without. However, providing for others when you can barely stand on your own two feet is just the same as being selfish to me. Or youfish! I care too much about you...and forget about myself. I see those I love getting lazy. They know I will do it if it needs to be done. They've manipulated me into thinking I don't do enough...so I go beyond my own capacity to just do it. The small tasks are the most upsetting. It's the fact that the task I do is being continuously done on my part and no one tries anymore. Baby steps aren't being taken by these people so they never learn to do it for themselves! Everything I want bad I work hard to get. If I don't get it...I either didnt want it as badly as i thought, or the want never turned into a need! I need some SPACE. I just really need to stop saying it and do it! Change is a process! That process to push yourself into your desired transformation takes time. The time is here....and change is good!
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